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| i never thought i'd be spending most of every day surrounded with children again so soon.
but the all day sounding out letters and "sit up" "sit down" "stop this" "stop that"
that's not what i love.
i love when the kids are allowed to be themselves and when they are allowed to see me be myself.
under the circus tent.
every little clown that gets student of the month makes me so proud (today i even squeezed out a few tears).
and every little acrobat that i break my back for.
every unicycle accident.
every clown skit that lasts 16 hours.
every broken spinning plate.
every smile, and almost every time they say "hey! ms. charity! look!" gives me a reason to wake up tomorrow (at 6:30am).
and our house is morphing! evolving! growing right before our eyes! every weekend visit from friends or a day we spend by ourselves (for once) changes everything.
now there's a scrappy chandelier (by joel) lowered and raised by as rope, and a ladder to the suspened loft, and one metal scrapped cabinet door is hung, one new (old) sink and a hand pump installed ("running" water in our house!), rugs, armchairs, antique dresser from an auction, trunks, cowskulls, and last but not least...i finally have a dog!
so there is never a day i can't be thankful.
for all of family out there who i haven't talked to in a while, thank you so much for your support. you are in my thoughts. | | |
| and the witching wind blew it down from his treehouse to my gypsy wagon...
and everything started changing.
right now i'm a fetus...floating in this awkward inability...knowing that my birth is coming so so soon.
and then i will lie...a naked baby in snow. in the desert and the snow. but the desert is passing and all around me things are turning green.
redemption is contagious.
so i'm leaving the bus behind and moving into a classroom full of kids with special gifts...for a time.
(i won't dig my claws into this one i hope.)
i am going HOME (to southwest misery).
hold loosely the gifts HE gives. don't presume upon, or cling to, or hold too near. but do hold dear, HIS great graces.
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| the love that we hold and the love that we spurn
will never grow cold only taciturn.
and HE lit those sparks in my tinderboxheart again...
and now i understand a little bit of how the sisters do it.
being married to someone the rest of the world can't see.
cupid and psyche
but i am the wicked i seek for a sign...a lantern in the night
and what i find is heartbreaking...i find out i betrayed my only true love by doubt.
so i'm forced to wander this world with my burningspearheart until i am united with him. | | |
| "who you are is a golden bowl..mind
a silver cord..soul
a pitcher at a fountain..heart
a wheel at a cistern..strength
GOD is the well of living water, you dip your pitcherheart down,
held by the
silver cord of your soul, you turn the crank of the wheel of your
strength,
and fill the golden bowl of your mind
the ocean is full of gold dust
GOD is the living water at the bottom of all of this,
the water that makes us feel whole."
from my beautiful friend andy lowflyer.
my bones are like dust and surely i would have blown away by now if GOD's careful hands had not held me.
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| it's far too loud in this place...so i can't stay for long.
1 month of festivals lowers yer sound tolerance.
*(my best friend is married)
*my friends are dispersed again. and i'm sad and glad for rest but i know it will be too long til i see sum of em.
here was home and home is always hard when it's not as home as it was before things fell apart.
"things fall apart"
*and there's 9 of us now. or 10 depending. justin and mowza' and the hurdy-gurdy.
i've learned a little about my chi and i hope it starts flowin more free. but until then i'm on my knee..s.
some things are growing in and around my heart and others and i am rejoicing a little inside but not too much because i always hope for a minute and it gets stolen again. i hope i can keep hoping this time. for my sake and for others.
you know (openhandsopenhands).
i'll see you soon.
(in a bulletproof vest with the windows all closed
i'll be doin my best, i'll see you soon.) | | |
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